Friday, May 19, 2006

went shu's house yesterday course mum was giving me attitude and started scolding once she reached home. didnt want to quarrel with her. i;m sick and tired of telling her things over and over again when she dont serms like she understands or rather WANT to understand. why cant she spare a thought for me?? how can she compares me to some kids that is not even her child?? i cant stand it when she kept praising other kids that they are good, well mannered etc..... then i'm sorry but to tell you that going to a good school and greets you whenever they see you doesnt make them a GOOD child. i dont hear you praising me when i got to st margs. i dont understand why you dislike me so much. i dont understand why you HAVE to put me down with your words. i tried to see it as a form of motivation but i'm sorry i cant.

if it's the past. i understand. because i'm really a worry to the family. i know that myself. but now?? didnt i changed?? sisnt i changed to the kind of child that you wish and pray to have?? but, you'll never be satisfied with me. even when i studied so hard. even when i became a prefect. even when i goes to tze chi with you even when i'm a christian. how many things must i do. do gain your love again?? man. why am i using the word "gain" when this love is what i should have.

because of tze chi. you neglected me just incase if you didnt know. i'm sorry mama, that bringing to tze chi doesnt mean that bonding. because your only concerned with other kids whom you call them YOUR CHILD. i've told you that i feel very neglected, didnt i?? but what have you do to make it up?? NOTHING!! you said that i dont know what your doing. you said that the reason why i feel this way is because i dont understand. tell me now what you want me to understand?? tell me what you expect me to understand when you dont come home because of tze chi meeting?? what you expect me to understand when you place tze chi even before us?? you set yourself mobilize for tze chi. even when it's my prize presentation day. you choosed to go for your MEETING instead of coming to support me. just incase you didnt know. it is not the prize that i am bothered about. but the present of yours mama. it is the MOMENT. that i want to show you. that i'm chhanged. i am doinog what she wish her child to be. YET all you did was telling me that you know? tell me what do you know?? how well do you know about me now?? you know nuts. because you REFUSED to lidten to me anymore. JUST BECAUSE your the leader now. your a wei yuan now. your in-charged or many things. SO YOUR NEGLECTING ME AND EXPECT ME TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING ON MY OWN!! BUT WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN I MAKE DECISIONS MYSELF?? YOU SAID THAT I DONT RESPECT YOU BECAUSE I DID NOT SEEK FOR YOUR ADVISE. TELL ME NOW!! WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN I HAVE THINGS TO DISCUSS WITH YOU?? WILL YOU CARE?? NO!!

gimme one good reason why must i go home early?? when you yoursel fis not at home?? why is it that i have to tell you how's my life when all you think is that i'm wasting my time with friends?? lemme tell you why i'm always with my friends instead of you. because my friends cares and listen to my problem. have you been doing this?? no. even since you joined tze chi. you forgotten that you have a family. you've forggoten that you have a son and a daughter.

we are becoming like strangers. i wouldn't be surprise if i see myself loitering outside with my bag soon. until my mum's back

nicole farted at
x8:44 AM